Writing the Essays

14/11/2016

Well, this isn't Strayer really, but I thought it might be good to have a place to talk about the essays.

Bingham

27/11/2016 22:53:24

Nobody talking, eh?

Well, here's the prompt.

Analyze the similarities and differences in the rise of TWO of the following empires
The Songhay Empire
The Aztec Empire
The Mongol Empire

Bingham

27/11/2016 22:54:22

Be sure to study what you did in class, and the stuff on OneNote.

Arielle Ollagnon

28/11/2016 20:48:41

Hello all (or none),

Amy and I have been working on the prompt for tomorrow and came up with some topic sentences for the essay.

for paragraph 1:
(difference) While, in the Mongol Empire, the need for pastoral land motivated expansion, in the Islamic Songhay Empire Islamic jihads provided a unifying motivation to expand.

for paragraph 2: (similarity) Both empires were stimulated by the revenue brought in by their expansive trade systems, the Mongol empire implemented a tax on its extensive trade system which increased economic growth. Similarly, trade of luxury goods such as gold and salt in the Songhay empire triggered its rise to become a regional power.

for paragraph 3: (difference) Whereas the rise of the Songhay Empire could be attributed in part to the support of the larger Islamic Empire, the Mongol Empire rose independently from a group of politically fragmented pastoral people in the Central Asian steppes, without any aid from outside empires.

Are we on the right track?? Thank you for posting the prompt!

Amy and Arielle

28/11/2016 21:39:08

Arielle and I were writing practice paragraphs for the essay, and we weren't sure whether we were doing the analysis correctly, if at all? I think we may have somehow embedded the analysis into the evidence. Is this okay?

Paragraph 1:
(difference) While in the Mongol Empire, the need for pastoral land motivated expansion, in the Islamic Songhay Empire Islamic jihads provided a unifying motivation to expand. In the Mongol Empire, pastoral life required an environment sufficient for the keeping of livestock. However, the arid climate of the steppes was not always conducive to maintaining their pastoral ways. This provided a common motivation for expansion- to acquire enough pasture land to support the needs of livestock. In contrast, the Songhay empire was largely Islamic, influenced by the Islamic “jihad of the sword,” which supported expansion for the glory of Allah, providing a universal motivation for expansion.

Bingham

28/11/2016 22:04:33

I'm a little concerned about your para 1. Was the rise of the Mongols really explained by a need for pastoral lands? Wasn't there other, more pressing needs? I mean if you have some specific evidence (facts) I'm good.

As for para 3, is there evidence the Songay were interested in supporting the expansion of the Arab/Islamic state, or did they have other motives?

Jacqueline Touchet

28/11/2016 22:06:24

The very fleshed out and specific structure of the Caste system in India discouraged loyalty to the state and is one of the possible reasons it never became a huge empire, so is it plausible to assume that a factor that contributed to the rise of the Mongol Empire was that they had a very simple and not structured social hierarchy which encouraged loyalty to the state rather than to local regions/families? (I know we can't write about India other than maybe for synthesis, I was just using it to try to justify my thinking)

Bingham

28/11/2016 22:15:45

Maybe in synthesis. But I think if you go back to strayer, I think you'll find a different reason to explain the Mongols staying out of India.

In any case, I think you guys are missing a key parameter, the RISE of empire. That is the "what" of this essay.

Bingham

28/11/2016 22:20:00

By the way Jackie, sorry, it's easier to call you that; I would argue that the Mongol clan loyalty was an impediment to the rise of their empire.

Mad Chase

28/11/2016 22:51:39

This is just a clarifying question I guess... So when do we cut off the timeline for the RISE of the yatayata empire. If we use the Mongols when does it become The Mongol Empire and is "finished," because I see arguments such as they raised taxes for trade, but isn't that after they become a controlling empire? Just curious!

Bingham

29/11/2016 06:01:53

So the rise of empire refers to going from zero, to empire. Anything you discuss that involves how they ran their empire does not apply, taxation included.

Bingham

Welcome class of 2019. Some years students collaborate in this space effectively, some years not so much. One thing I know, collaboration significantly enhances learning. If you want access to my thoughts, this is the collaboration space to use. Most people propose an answer to margin questions, big picture question, or anything else related to managing Strayer. Other people can then comment leading to a stronger answer. I'll keep an eye on these pages, and pop in when I think you need me.

Writing the Essays

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